I confess. I am weak. I watch The Bachelor. And pretty much every related show – Bachelor in Paradise, Bachelor Winter Games, you name it, I watch it. Every.Single.Episode. So this week as I watched with Bachelor Nation (gross, did I really just type that?) as bachelor Arie broke it off with fiancé Becca (on camera) to right his “mistake” in choosing the wrong woman and return to Lauren, it occurred to me that I could relate to Becca in her shock. The icky part of the whole situation is that not only did Arie tell cameras about his change of heart before telling Becca, but he called Lauren, without Becca’s awareness, to verify Lauren was open to taking him back before breaking it off. I realized watching Becca handle the situation like a boss that once thte shock wears off she would look back and realize that not only did she dodge a bullet but that the person she fell in love with isn’t who Arie actually is. Have you experienced this? Feeling caught off guard, betrayed, played, and like someone basically isn’t who you thought they were? How do we move forward after such chaos? The most important thing to do is to learn to trust ourselves again after being played. Here I offer the number one step in learning to trust ourselves again when it comes to love.
Accept that it isn’t about us
Repeat after me: her (or his, in Arie’s case) shady behavior has absolutely nothing to do with me and is about her character, not mine. Repeat this over and over and over again until you start to believe it, because it’s true. When someone behaves in a way that lacks integrity, it is an indication about where they are in their journey in life and their character in that moment. It feels so deeply personal to us, but it’s not personal at all. It’s careless on their behalf, but not personal. Sometimes people are shady and they act shady. Sometimes people are generally good but go through phases of shady behavior because of something they are going through. Either way, it’s on them, not us. Our job is to forgive ourselves, knowing we did the best we could, acknowledge maybe where we ignored our intuition or red flags, and to move forward confident that we learned so much that we’ll take better care of ourselves in the future.
Have you experienced this kind of feeling of being played by someone being dishonest? How did you find your way back to yourself? Leave a note in the comments box or email me – I’d love to hear from you. girlsguidetohealthydating@gmail.com
In the meantime, choose love. Choose you.
It is difficult to pull ourselves back together after getting played or cheated. It is difficult to trust again, love again. This article is really helpful. It gives confidence to the reader. Thanks for sharing.